THE BOOK OF DEBORAH - THE GARDEN OF EDEN

I’m not always going to be caught up in the Bible references but it does provide considerable resources. One being, what happened in Eden?

So the story goes everything on Earth lived together in peace and harmony. Then there was a shakeup in heaven or something, and all went to shit for the planet. Who exactly caused all this turmoil?

Lucifer? Satan? The Beast? Here we go with all the titles again. Anyway, he (and they pretty much make everyone famous or infamous a man) was a fallen angel called the Devil in the book of Genesis.

The Devil disguises himself as a snake, and then quickly exits the story picking up a cushy spa job in Hell. He leaves the unknowing snake behind to take the blame. Forever to be despised as a demon.

Eve, the first female, is called weak for succumbing to this formidable adversary, the Devil, and is cursed with pain when she becomes a woman. I suppose to toughen her up. Eve and Adam are both tossed out of Paradise. Poor old Adam, the first male, just because Eve tempted him. That bitch.

Couldn’t Adam have been a bit more obedient? Or was Eve too tempting in her stripper outfit now? No curse for Adam unless you count wet dreams. Personally, I think Eden closed down, went bankrupt because it seems the whole place and all living creatures were abandoned.

This Deborah would have smacked the halo off of Jehovah’s head when he condemned them for the fuck up. I’d have asked him why he didn’t handle Lucifer and his cronies before, so none of this would have happened in the first place. This story needs a lot of fact-checking. It’s hard to find the moral. Here’s one that makes as little sense.

I dare you to look a lion in the eye and call him a pussy.